Peculiar Pillow Talk

Accent pillow has an accent and its fucking French Islamic. The round silk ruffle pillow I have recently adopted as my "go to pillow" for sleeping has been whispering in my bedtime ears. I think it is talking to me in gay French but it sometimes whisper yells in Islamic right before I reach REM. Wakes my ass up and my heart is racing from the Muslim versus. I dont know why im craving a ruffled accent pillow as my "go to pillow" anyway. Maybe its the perfect width for propping my head or the fantastic silk on my face or the divot made by the giant button in the middle giving my big ear some much needed space. Whatever is the case, my body heads towards the couch when im sleepy and I grab that damn fluffy thing. Its awful i know. Its the equivalent of me pulling out a frilly hooker umbrella from 1880 when it rains or crossing my legs in a meeting and seeing a pom pom sock with my penny loafers. Its bad for a man like myself to sleep on an accent pillow.

Now back to the most fucked up thing, the accents that fill my dreams at night. Everyone in dream land speaks in a tongue that is so goofy. I assume its french but no idea. When its a nightmare i know the accent is Islamic because i can make out the words hummus and tortilla. I now know the real meaning to the category these fucking pillows fall under and its NOT to accent your wallpaper. Its to accent the voices in your head when you dream. WTF have i slumbered upon this time! This is mighty gross and im sleeping on one of those ancient Egyptian wooden head shelf things tonight as punishment for my frolicking pussy pillow blow outs ive had these last few weeks. My god i am having pillow plight nights.

It does hurt to ask

Assfaced Bodyguard,

Im hurt. Arm is bitterly bruised and face is swelled shut. I have no girlfriend due to the embarrassment. I made a life choice never to drink alcohol because i have such a fear of embarrassment. Well, I'm knocking them back now since I have surpassed the pinnacle of shamefacedness yesterday at lunch.
I was minding my own when you felt the need to sideswipe me with your gorrila arm and plummet me into Carolyn Mother's lunch special. French Dip and Au Jus sauce was all over me and my maidens mother. Then the nerve you had flinging me to the floor and the repetitive face punching, well was this necessary? I guess I could recoup from this if this was all that happened. But then you pulled my t-shirt off my body and used it to cuff my arms behind my back. This exposed all diners to my extra large outty and third nipple, thanks a bundle. All of this humiliation and for what? All I asked for as I leaned toward John Voight's table was for a towelette. He had a plethora of them since he got rib plate.
Question, did you try his ribs or did you order a roid plate for yourself instead? Better yet, I bet you just palmed amino acid powder into you mouth from the 3 gallon plastic GNC container. Maybe this would explain your cretinized face and captain caveman over reactions. Thanks for ruining my life.

Injured and Humiliated

Foghorn Leghorny

Foghorn Leghorny is my favorite musician. Musician is not really the correct term as he doesnt really play music so to say, lets call him my favorite noise maker. What he does is he straps a smoke machine to his back with a bunch of flash lights tied all over his person and a smoke detector dangling in front of his face. He comes out dancing up a storm (Leghorny means fast dancer he claims) while smoking about five cigarettes at once. On his stage is about 40 different modified smoke detectors and light sensitive pickups. The modified smoke detectors all range in different pitches and go off when he blows Cig smoke or his smoke machine sets them off. The flash lights trigger a light theremin my buddy Shane's buddy built. Foghorn Leghorny puts on a radical show thats not for the weak chested asthma fans. Second hand smoke is one thing. But coming from Foghorn Leghorny body its 2nd hand 3rd foot and 4th leg smoke pummeling your lungs. Not for developing kids unless its watched on VHS or blue ray. Kids do love his moves and will want to Leghorny all the time.

Oh, he also has 2 Great Danes called "The Tumbleweed Dancers" that are tied together on stage. When the alarms go off they flip wig and get all bundled up on the floor in front of Foghorn. Its the chocolate on the cake and it makes for an unforgettable show. Its like Cirque Du Solei done by a Janitor with no funds. I even recall a mop bucket with dried ice being rolled out at one point. I went ape shit when he flung the mop out and glitter rained upon the crowd.

Im Cold In Here

Fucking hell! Im cold in here. Shit the door is open. Jesus Christ, what the fuck man where you born in a barn. Jesus, close the damn door. Don't you freaking wave your fist at me, i'll kick your ass. Jesus Christ!

God spoke to me through my religious sisters head. I found out that yes, his son was born in a barn and it has embarrassed his unthankful son ever since. He insisted that I keep my comments to myself and to never bring it up again as he will not hear the end of it. I texted God back: Yes God, NP. I shut fuck up for you.

Failing Economy Spurs Innovation with Hicks

Listen up,

To save money I use chicken tit in my shoes. I walk on the chicken tit. I run on the chicken tit. At the end of the day its been super tenderized and my feet are shiny. I fry up my insoles and have fried chicken tits. The tits are amazing on my feet and stuffed in my mouth. I love the Italian style insoles. The flavor is good. Oh, real good flavor that mixes well with my homemade milkshakes.

Why dont we eat cow tits? We eat everything else from the cow. If we did id stop riding my bike on rump roasts and switch to beef tit. I guess udders are udderly gross packed in a shoe and thats probably why we dont eat them. No room for foot. Having a dual purpose being a meat is the name of the game I guess.

Im sitting on a raw turkey now. The vet says its good for my back when im internetting me some recipes. He also said I have hoof n mouth and hoof n butt disease. How that happened beats me but.... I imagine it may have something to do with that hoof handled tooth brush i clean myself with. DUH!

Anyway folks, you are gonna love using tits as an insole. So comfy yould wish you had tit to sleep on at night. That will come soon enough. Them turkey tits are growing about the size of a lazyboy cushion these days. They say in about 5 yrs scientist will have Genetically enginered a mattress for me Thanksgiving. Some day, please Jesus, let me sleep on a big ol tit. Id have a tit fit.

Yours,

Hick

Guitar Hero

Finally, the comic book legend Guitar Hero has now been made into a digitized video game! Remember in comic book the derelict man that found sanity in the catch? Well hes here kids and he is like a cartoon on tv, but with added features like remote control car!!! You see, you control the comic cartoon of the television with your hands using a joyous stick with real red button!!! Use it to run your beautiful bum hero under gorgeous buildings and catch distressed guitars as the hurdle down to earth at ferocious scary speeds. These classy guitars are your ultimate survival as you use them for cold beer and candy money provided for you at the virtual pawn shop. Watch out for normal dudes going to job work as they try and stop your hobo ways and catch your bread and butter- the plummeting guitars!!! Oh no vagrant catcher , Normal dudes may know how to play these awesome looking guitars and will slow-song ballad your drifter ass back to school where you have to drop out and start from scratch!!! Guitar Hero is just like the comic book!!! Ugly bum came to life and jumped off page where you control him. These guitars are rock n roll guitars!!! These dropping musical weapons can kill so be sure to catch with your talented hands and not your homeless head.
In between levels the pixelated down n out hero receiver sleeps with chicken bones in a ditch. Make him shit for bonus points you can use to buy ugly clothes for you avatar character.
Use your magnifying glass in super detail mode and see close ups of the guitar neck, strings, and metal looking pick ups on these magnificiently crafted make believe guitars.

First a comic book, then a cartoon digitized copy of comic book for tv, now a cartoon comic television show you control with a happy rod with push disc activationator!!!!!

Guitar Hero is fast at the catch. Speed so fun its out of control.

Let's Gossip!!!

Brian Miller and Branda Garret have a baby!!!


This guy who is helped write that movie with Matt Diamond about a math freak janitor is having a chick kid with his wife Branda (I Think) from the tv show Alleged!!!! The two say they will name the chick kid Mumi. So her full name is Mumi Miller. Branda's career is going okay with the success of Juno and Brian's career is also going good with the rerelease of Dogma on blue ray. I wish Brian, Branda and Mumi some good times with a ton of hardships from here on out. These two "stars" are so white bread normal that my diabetes has kicked back in from the amount of visual carbs I ingested just from looking at the pic.


Brangelina for best actor/ress!!



Yes,Brangelina has been nominated for best actor/ress!!!! Whoreay!!! He/She was nominated for Changlamen Chanutton- A movie about an adobted baby that was forced upon a mother in Germany in the 20's. The baby is ugly and looks like a 70 yr old man. She tries to take the baby back without a receipt and gets in bad with the SS. I bet Angilly Jorton (angelina/billy bob) is crying her/his tattoos off! The big shocker is that Branefer Anispitt didn't get nominated for Marly and Me. I love movies about Dogs that drive cars and date women. This unfortunately could mean the end of the career for Marly which sucks dog bones.

Oh No Flickety!!!



Flickety Perkins today broke things off from her a stranged manfriend Jethro Clampit Guliani. Jethro has been busted washing money in the cement pond and the FBI believes it belongs to some Italians. Flickety says she knows nothing about it and that he was just a bad manfriend. Well shes also being questioned by the FBI and she may have helped wash Italian money sometime between her wearing Prada and before that bitch Rachael got married. More on this story for sure when we receive it.


Twin Brother Back In Hospital



Ozzy Osbournes twin brother Kelly has been placed in a drug hospital for unknown reasons. She was able to sneak out and use the phone to call an aunt to report the following "If hershey squirts were pennies id be a trillionare!!!!!!" Not sure what he's in there for, butt it sounds and smells like shit.

New to Earth, I'm a Sucker.

I walked into the room and was embarrassed and excited as she was breastfeeding a newbie. Then I fought it all I could, I broke down and took a hard look. I saw a kid lick a tit, he was a toddler fondler of food! This tyke had eyes closed while he reached for her other unsucked nip. Greedy? Yes, he greedy. But aren't we all when we evacuate the human room womb? It is at these moments when we finally have that chance to suck with mouths as opposed to drawing another meal of placenta polenta from our belly buttons.
The little lamb was an artist at the Breast a Feeding, and grabbed her other nip like a farmer yanking on udder. He whacked- off the knocker and soak bathed his shriveled umbilical blunder with the whitest of mother's nature. The washing must have been soothing as this blunder was no button on belly, oh no. Poor inkling had a chicken hind bone in the center of knot, making it a toggle of tummy.
Poor talented siphoner of mommy lactose, I wish I knew why you were a bone in baby. I am drawing a blank coming up with advantages to having a bone on your paunch. But dont let me discourage you. If you can hang a suit coat off your pot like you man-handle mommies bags, you should be good to grow and go. Good luck fucking anything though. When you get older Boning could cause trauma to you and your hot lil Ho. Bean bag your belly bone for her and your weiner for the rest of the world. Offspring would be togglin toddling for sure.

So Rad that Thad aint Dad

Thad, I'm glad you aint my dad.
but so mad you are knee deep in tea.

You must quit the spit in the tea that you pick or
you will get a licking for being wired on coco leaf chew.

Jefe, hes a mean Jefe, as mean as a donkey on rye brew,
and Ive seen him shove chamomile leaf in its own boiling steep
in a man to make orifice stew.

Thad, cmon boy. chewing on coco leaves is not new.
get yourself a necklace spittoon and chew while gathering Chai fronds under the moon.

I know its no lie, i aint your boiy because Ma say i was born by a Earl who was Grey.
Maybe someday that woman you laid will speak of the boy that you made.

But rumor has it today that a year back in May,
Jefe enslaved your boys tea sac sans dong,
for infusing cups of Lapsang Souchong.

Lets hope that's the case as tea bagging feels ace.
Much better than being the boy who does so wrong,
by opening himself for Jefe's tea ball of Oolong.

Blinkin Park Boys 182

by Cheyenne on 5/12/2008 6:32am
OMG, Is this Brass Monkey? I LOVE this song!!! I always get people into kool songs like this!!!!! My boy bff John always say Cheyenne, You are always the Brass Monkey!!!! Dont ask me what thay means cause I dont know!!!!!!! I just love this song and John!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My mom has a massive breath alyser test with two dicks and we blow into it like a hookah!!!!!!! We try and get .08 which non legal, HAHAHA!!!!!!!We laff and comment a bunch on myspace all night!!! I dont see bff John much he hooked on facebook now and i dont know what that is. Something about Twitter too but that for my front butt, HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!Keep playing good shit like beasties and Linking Park, and blink 182!!!!!!!

by Kitty on 5/19/2008 10:52am
This is St Louis Cardinals' Ryan Ludwick's lead-in song when he step to bat! We're like Pavlov's dogs....just knowing that he's going to get a clutch hit, we all stand up and cheer at the sound of the song before they annunce the batter! GO CARDS!Go Funky Monkey get me fucked up!!!

by Tiff on 5/26/2008 4:25pm
This song is awesome.. i can even sing song... (dont worry i no waht it all mean) get it on brass monkey!

by Asshead on 5/28/2008 8:51pm
I LUV THIS THONG I MEAN SONG...HAHA

by matt on 6/3/2008 9:47am
this song is old but better than anything ouy right now that funkie monkey still got it. i love blink 182 too Cheyenne!!!!

by poop on 6/11/2008 4:16pm
hi

by lmao~ on 6/19/2008 10:24pm
love this song so much.. it's so 80's.. brass monkey is an alcoholic drink jsyk...

by Andramda on 8/3/2008 3:17am
This is actually my wedding song!! LOL NO JOKE!! my husband knew it was my favorite so instead of here comes the bride it was brass monkey piano style!!Cheyenne, my husband hit up that front butt. i.e. funky monky!!!!

by Gansgta kid on 8/20/2008 1:44pm
This so is so hype honestly this song i use in everything i do skateboarding biking trying to sleep in school lol Anything such a SICK GANGSTA SONG

by TheDrinker! on 8/25/2008 10:31am
Fuck man! This song is the shit and the drink that comes with it is the same! ...Colt 45 and orange jus! DRINK UP!

by wtf on 9/11/2008 8:01pm
a brass monkey is a beer u retard
(the drinker) your so retarded
brass is what the can used to be made out of

now its just aluminum

u should listen to beer by phsycostick

by wtfisnub on 9/24/2008 9:36pm
brass monkey is old e and oj

by Justin on 10/4/2008 12:18am
Does anyone else relize that theyr singing about a drug? still an awsome song though....

by Twiztid Love on 10/16/2008 1:16pm
This song is the shit, i'm of the new age, ie. Linkin Park. But this song still kicks ass! My friend Dan turned me onto it.

by riss luv on 10/17/2008 9:55pm
this song rocks!!!!and whoever karebare is,lol, my dad did the same thing!but i didnt kno brass monkey wasd a drink!

by Sean on 10/18/2008 2:50pm
I love how most of the comments seem to be by people who've had TOO MUCH Brass Monkey. And NO this song isn't about drugs, it's about a drink that was popular in the 80s.

by 9 on 11/11/2008 3:26pm
You people keep thinking this song is about getting it on! NO its a drink vodka, rum, OJ or you can by the cheap stuff in your local hood! Good Stuff

by andrew m the famous on 11/20/2008 3:45pm
OK, first of all, who cares what bm is. the point is that it either gets u drunk or high. 9, im withu. cheyanne, no you dont. the drinker, get a life and listen to some good musik. wtf, ur kool. andramda, ...wow. sean, lol

by ya mama on 11/22/2008 6:15pm
i like blink 182 better

song so much.. it's so 80's.. brass monkey is an alcoholic drink jsyk...

by HOLLIS on 6/21/2008 5:34pm
this is the perfect song to jump on a trampoline to :D :D ;D :D :D and ya mama I think you mean LINKIN PARK! you must hang out with ASSHEAD and Poop cuz you dumb butt!