Short stories, mini-fables, whispers and notes of nuisance.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

KIDDOCITY


Parents have you heard this before from your tiny guy? "Im 12 and I easily get stressed out mom!!!. I flip wig a bunch Dad, so off my back!!! Dammit Granny, stop spitting on a kleenex and wiping my face with it. No flipping wonder I have Mono!!!"" Haha, when these little pip squeks say words like these it leaves me upchucked and upset. Why does a sappling need such torrential conflict in his or her head I ask? Well guardians of tykes, It doesnt. I believe I have come up with an answer to change those tunes in your moppet's minds. The answer is leaving them at my house. Leaving them at KiddoCity. Let me tell you about it.

Imagine a place were a kid can be a kid. A place where a child person can indian sit with hands in a "okay sign" and head with clarity in pursuit of nirvana. Now, Imagine your kiddo with sweaty brow from a hard core frisbee session, sitting humming a mantra so ear piercing it makes all the neighborhood dogs bark and whine like there is a freaking parade of firetrucks trucking down the street.(dogs hate sirens because they think its a screaming demon dog) This is an Oasis for whipper snappers.This is a sanctuary for youngens. This is Kiddocity.

Kiddocity is refuge where a little one can hover in a calm mind and hum up some Aums, Auuuuuummmmmm Auuuuuummmmmm. Its beautiful. These little womb bullets were shot onto this planet to sponge up the worlds tension. They need kiddocity. They need rooms with conducive lights to help with concentration on their breath to aid in reaching their core selves. Thereby I have outfitted my car port with dangling candle chandeliers. Munchkins sit around these dangling lumen generators on bean bags and all share suck with long communal straws on a giant Capri Sun hookah pack. Further more they need an open place to bath together for joint aura scubbing. Thus,they need to be in my house, I have 4 ground level tubs for washing meditativly relaxed parts. Besides, It is fun for them to pretend they are a soapy wet Buddha.


These buccaroos are beautiful and natural with pretty thoughts , emotions, and physical feelings. Once in Kiddocity these wee munchkins can experience being on the same cosmic naked level as myself. I am there molding and touching their ripe minds n parts to sculpt adolescent powerhouses who know how to feel compassion for themselves and others. After a touchy mind molding session, I like to enforce a 10 day silence period.This is to let them forget everything that has happened. Its a secret your kids will hold dear to them for the rest of their lives. Let me take care of your pip squeks, go on and worry about money and your job. Here at Kiddocity, its free! There is no cost to you or your child. Free of worry and free of clothing when the doors close.

Take em kids down to a kiddocity where the clothes are off and Aums are breathy!!!! Why dont you please take em. Auuuuuum.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Bronzer and Spliffzen



I apologize for being away so long my plight listeners, Ive been on a 3 week bender. Visiting home this holiday season, I unfortunatley ran into Bronzer and Spliffzen my 2 favorite party reindeers. Bronzer is a glamour buck with a shaved to skin coat thats been fake tanned to a copper bronze. Just above his braided tail he has a magnificent tramp stamp tattoo of a Santa with yin yang eye balls. His hoofs are usually painted glitter speed boat gold or sometimes he will add little touches to the hoofs to mark whatever holiday it is. Hes been on the South Beach diet for awhile and his ribby torso and heroin eyes completes his model appearance.

Spliffzen, on the other hand is way more urban with his Yak hair tail and ankle hoof weaves. He is very robust with a chiseled chest and is the only carnivorous deer I have known. This deer loves to party and he scared the pack at the last gathering when he came out from a squat pissing behind a birch on two legs. He had stuffed lit spliffs in both tear ducts, ear holes, nostrils, and about 5 in his mouth. Arm legs were flailing and he was wheezing an awful zombie noise while dropping droppings. The pack dispersed in all directions with hind legs a kickin in some kind of defense mechanism reaction. Crazy pot faced deer scared the bejesus out of me and I high tailed it back home. Im sobering up with some horny goat weed tea and have stored all the knives in the basement in case these week long hangovers give me the stab tendencies again. Whipped this little letter to keep you informed.

Yours in Plight,
Hollis