Jesus Christ Superbowl

This years Superbowl was a mess. During the half time show Jesus performed and had a wardrobe malfunction and his bonered wiener popped out and blessed half the stadium. This blessing in demise accidentally multiplied all the Hebrew National ball park franks being munched in the stadium. It was a familiar sight as Jesus loves to multiply food. Just about 500 years ago he accidentally multiplied fish and turned Nehi into wine when he waved a stink finger good-bye to a very naughty "disciplined" disciple by that old river in Galilee.
This new turn of events made God the Father cry a river and flood New Orleans again. Every man, woman, and transsexual on Bourbon street loaded up in Party Arcs to keep the party gods appeased. The wet Jews in the ninth-ward ironically were okay with being flooded. This was because the NFL was sending Kilos of the blessed Koshered wieners to the flood victims as pittance. The Jews ate them on soggy buns and converted to Christianity.
As news about the mayhem became front page headlines, an embarrassed and broke Jesus hid out in Pakistan mowing lawns for money. Symbolically his mower became flooded and he needed to "choke his throttle". When he did, Guam exploded and the world really wanted to crucify the poor guy. Jesus, Jesus whats a deity to do to make a dollar these days. I guess keep your peckerwood tied to your leg when your doing a cover of "Doing the Butt" at the Superbowl. I really dont know what the fuss is all about. I dont really get offended, so please, Go on and wave your stuffs and multiply me some chili con queso. Jesus Christ I am ready for some football.

Gourd Decor 2

Yes my plight listeners, Its that exciting season for our favorite decorations, GOURD DECOR. This year, due to Staggflation and the plummeting dollar I am having to cut back and use in house bric-a-brac and items I have stolen to decorate my Thanksgiving centerpiece. This doesn't mean its going to be shabby looking, nope, it just means I need to get creative. The backbone to this years place-setting is a very nice gourd I dug up upstate while I was doing some illegal apple picking. Its a classic shape with a flaccid penile shaft at the top with a bulbous base, pure gourdness. And as always, I have included my loofah from last years setting as a reminder that yes, that's right, the loofah is a gourd! and not a fucking sponge!
This year as I mentioned has been tuff do to the dollar tanking and the US not being on the Gold Standard anymore. I am not going to get into it but those pieces of paper we carry in our wallets mean Nil now since we got rid of Fort Knox and replaced it with a football field sized credit card that we like to use way too much. To symbolize these problems I have replaced the ram horn cornucopia of abundance with a Chihuahua protective head cone of scarcity. Inside the Cone of Scarcity will house the embodiment of my meagerness- a lemon, some almonds and a handful of Gin soaked raisins for they are a home remedy for my gad darned arthritis I developed this year. We are all in a "rough patch" economically but everyone please have a Happy Thanksgiving. Love to you and to your family. If I believed in a biblical god I would offer a god bless, but I don't. So I will say, may Intelligent Design bless your turkey leg haunches and fillith your Cones of Scarcity with Chihuahuas.

Cheers,

Hollis