Grow a Pair

My Sister Daughter Niece just moved to NYC. She misses Texas a bunch and had a massive breakdown. I told her to hunker down a grow a pair. She couldnt and cried for days while snorting horny-goat weed for her hungovered head. The horny goats built up crystalized testosterone tears that clogged up her emotional flow. Well the damming ballooned and she grew a pair right in her tear ducts. Nice danglers. She was now able to socialize and cavort town without wettening her facial. Dry-eyed and goat weed high she hit the pavement to find a job.

The weeks went on and her new found ability to never to be phazed-face and cry-eyed, well, made her cocky in her vocabulary. Cocky can sometimes be confused with confidence and she landed a whopper of a high paying job. A cocky mouth cant function without something to feed it so she went on and grew a pair right on her bottom lip. nice saggers. I was a little jealous.

Over a bowl of unshelled sunflower seeds at the Brooklyn Ale House we discussed her new job. She had changed allot and it was like a different person there in front of me, sucking seeds. She was, very real, but, very fake. Seeing my well hung Sister Daughter Niece functioning so falsely in NY made me regret the advice i gave her. I reflected and thought that maybe she did need a good cry. I know its hard up here and maybe she needed to let it out. Maybe she was fine without balls on her face. As I gazed at her scrotum jabbering away I thought, damn I guess the saying is right. There are reasons why .you need to fail first before you suckseed. So I racked her in the mouth and threw down the bowl of snacks and two wettened slits appeared in my eye holes. I couldnt hold back anymore and A flash flood tear poured out of my pupil pussys and carried us back to Texas to get our bearings straight. It was a wake up call for both Unkle and Niece. We bonded over some bean n cheese tacos and returned to New York Shitty to conquer that town without wearing our inner privates on our faces. We are much better for it to this day.

Side note: If you suckseed without failing you could bloom a sprout right in your mouth balls. Very painful and ugly.

Disclaimer: No Sister Daughter Niece's were hurt during the modeling of this babble. NO scrotums were sewn on the model for the painting. They were actual "show-ers" from Harry and Corn Bo (not his real name) that were gently laid upon the S.D.Neices face for sketching. Please dear Sibling Lovers dont tell our Mother Girlfriend!

Yours in Plight,
Hollis(Drunkle Brother Mother)

Internetting Me a Man

He was a great date up until he tried to blow sweet nothings in my ear on the sofa. For dinner he had a big brontosaurus burger, which made for a mouthful of problems. The sofa hornies got him touchy and he went in and blew Meat Somethings in my ear. Gristle and earwax makes for a very grody ball on a manicured nail! It was a Brahma Bull of a ball too, and had an opaqueness with a gummy tacky character. I cocked back the nail and flicked for mentioned ball in the direction of the egress and told Meat Somethings to make like a Chick and get the Peck out of my living room. Blue balled and embarrassed, Meat Somethings retreated to his sad masturbation pad.

My next Internet date was worse. He invited me over for dinner at his apartment. Pad was elegant and faggy with lots of macramé and Hindu iconage. He had a mix of foot and food fetishes and belonged to a charity organization called heels on meals. The members stepped on donated food for the helpless and lazy and wheeled the meals to the lackadaisical clientele. During our meal he got all horny and heeled my mash potatoes and sniffed a sock. I tip-toed to the door and yelled "you need to date a spud bud this dates a dud" and gag refluxed to my Jetta. I need a good man with mouth full of bad sayings to get me horny. If only nana was a man and we were unrelated id be balling her now.

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