Short stories, mini-fables, whispers and notes of nuisance.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Gourd Decor 2



Yes my plight listeners, Its that exciting season for our favorite decorations, GOURD DECOR. This year, due to Staggflation and the plummeting dollar I am having to cut back and use in house bric-a-brac and items I have stolen to decorate my Thanksgiving centerpiece. This doesn't mean its going to be shabby looking, nope, it just means I need to get creative. The backbone to this years place-setting is a very nice gourd I dug up upstate while I was doing some illegal apple picking. Its a classic shape with a flaccid penile shaft at the top with a bulbous base, pure gourdness. And as always, I have included my loofah from last years setting as a reminder that yes, that's right, the loofah is a gourd! and not a fucking sponge!
This year as I mentioned has been tuff do to the dollar tanking and the US not being on the Gold Standard anymore. I am not going to get into it but those pieces of paper we carry in our wallets mean Nil now since we got rid of Fort Knox and replaced it with a football field sized credit card that we like to use way too much. To symbolize these problems I have replaced the ram horn cornucopia of abundance with a Chihuahua protective head cone of scarcity. Inside the Cone of Scarcity will house the embodiment of my meagerness- a lemon, some almonds and a handful of Gin soaked raisins for they are a home remedy for my gad darned arthritis I developed this year. We are all in a "rough patch" economically but everyone please have a Happy Thanksgiving. Love to you and to your family. If I believed in a biblical god I would offer a god bless, but I don't. So I will say, may Intelligent Design bless your turkey leg haunches and fillith your Cones of Scarcity with Chihuahuas.

Cheers,

Hollis

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now I can celebrate. What happened to meeech?

Anonymous said...

"Loofah IS gourd!" to be chiseled into my headstone. Loofah is truth.