Home Remedies pg 57:

Hi Plight Listeners,

This is a page from my book on home remedies that I have been working on for a couple of years. If you have some yourself, please feel free to leave a comment and I will include them if they are any good. These have worked for me in the past and hopefully they will save you a trip to Eckerd’s. Have a happy Friday!!!

Yours in plight,
Hollis

Acid Reflux- Use a dollop of toothpaste and place on tongue. Take deep breath and swallow. Toothpaste is a flux coater fer sure.

Chest Pains- Thistle Root with Honey Comb cereal. Beat on back to induce a cough and hopefully cereal will get into chest and comb through your pain.

Q-Tip- Dish rag rubber banded around a pencil

Vapor Rub for Chest Cold- Crisco lard mixed with horseradish. Mix these two ingredients together for a nice concoction base. Take base and smear on sicky’s chest and up nostril if sicky is stopped-up. Sicky should take deep breaths and avoid being around pets. Dogs like rank crap and could wrestle a flu victim to the ground quite easily for a chance to snack on a nasty concoction like that.

Athletes Foot- Make a dredge bath with flour, milk, lemon pepper and soot then Coat the foot. Run with your flounder feet on hot pavement till golden brown. Dip your chicken fried feet in cream gravy. Should rid your peds of athlete’s foot and make a wingtip smell like a hardy grub.

Sleeping Pill- Cant sleep? How about you take a jog for an hour. Can’t jog? Do some math.

Impotence- Take a bee and rub stinger on flaccid friend till your mouth is wide open and you are screaming like a Cheyenne. Note, your pee pee will inflate on the outside but stay fragile and weak on the inside. This will give you the ability to penetrate a lover but I doubt he or she will allow you to after you just had sex with an insect.


Groin Gurgle- Bake a rag that’s been soiled in flour milk at 400 degrees for 5 hours. Frost the rag cake with butter n pumpkin guts and place in some tight panties for the ladies or Leo’s for a bro. Make sure rag cake aligns right on the tender taint. Wear this for 8-10 days repeating the rag cake ritual everyday. This should bust your gurgling creeky groin and make you walk normal and silent again. Please understand that this is only a theory as I myself have never had Groin Gurgle. This was passed down to me from Hollis Sr.