Yanks Are Harnessing Energy From My Kin

Ive discoverd something flat out disturbing, my great great cowboy unkle was buried up north. He was hatcheted by a native woman as he had his backside to her panning for copper nuggets in a creek bed. She was a wida injun and her pissed off passions put an end to my kins life. Scalped and gutted he was buried and them southern bones will fidget for eternity being blanketed in that Yankee soil. I myself have never felt it but some say when you walk across a civil war cemetery up north you can feel a small earth quake from them southern bones shaking from southern soil withdrawal like a heroin addict craving horse.

Brings a tear to my eye thinking about it and I read in Entrepreneur magazine that some Yankee Doodle Dandy has harnessed the energy from shaking southern bones to recharge his cell phone. Plans to make a fortune by selling a cup of good ol' boy finger bones in Yankee soil with an ac/dc adapter coming out of it. It makes my goiter pucker just thinking about the sacrilege he's committed. He says hes thinking Green but in my book hes thinking Mean and he better stay on his side of the Mason/Dixon line. If he dares cross it Ill put his bones 6 feet under a layer of Sweetwater red clay. We all know what happens to Yankee bones when they are buried in southern dirt. They turn into credits on my Skype account and im in need of some badly. Texas is a big state and calling from Lampassas to Nacodoges will bankrupt your butt if you are calling from a land line. Im down to just a jar of crushed Yank humerus bones and that will last me about a week.