Internetting Me a Man

He was a great date up until he tried to blow sweet nothings in my ear on the sofa. For dinner he had a big brontosaurus burger, which made for a mouthful of problems. The sofa hornies got him touchy and he went in and blew Meat Somethings in my ear. Gristle and earwax makes for a very grody ball on a manicured nail! It was a Brahma Bull of a ball too, and had an opaqueness with a gummy tacky character. I cocked back the nail and flicked for mentioned ball in the direction of the egress and told Meat Somethings to make like a Chick and get the Peck out of my living room. Blue balled and embarrassed, Meat Somethings retreated to his sad masturbation pad.

My next Internet date was worse. He invited me over for dinner at his apartment. Pad was elegant and faggy with lots of macramé and Hindu iconage. He had a mix of foot and food fetishes and belonged to a charity organization called heels on meals. The members stepped on donated food for the helpless and lazy and wheeled the meals to the lackadaisical clientele. During our meal he got all horny and heeled my mash potatoes and sniffed a sock. I tip-toed to the door and yelled "you need to date a spud bud this dates a dud" and gag refluxed to my Jetta. I need a good man with mouth full of bad sayings to get me horny. If only nana was a man and we were unrelated id be balling her now.