The Perfect Valentine

To invent a perfect, flawless, all encompassing St Valentines day gift was the passion and life work of Albertus Sundrake. To accumulate all the essence of erotica and beauty into one object was the conundrum and it challenged him for many years. He tormented his hormoning craving body to figure out what this object would be. This object would have to be classy and sexy at the same time. He thought "What about a chocolate pair of breast". YES! To take a boobie and press lip and tongue on the finest rich dark Belgium chocolate would be erotic, um yes. But after an hour of sucking and licking, the titillated users face would be a smear of stool brown and the erotic object would be a nipple less muddy mound. Not an appealing thought he pondered. Puzzled and turned on he thought about sapphires big enough to sit in the clavicles of his lovers neck. A beautiful poetic thought this was but it softened his pecker bad. A soften peter has no place in a Valentine evening affair and the notion was dropped. To stifen himself up again he thought about his lover approaching him in a critter crawl with a rose between her teeth and wearing only soft delicate classy panties. This thought was it! The culmination of these two alluring elements produced a baby of erotic design, The Pantie Rose my friend was born.



After several years of prototype after prototype he thought he had it perfected. The main ingredient was a beautiful classy La Perla satin red G-string pantie. It was carefully folded origami style in the shape of a magnificent Souvenir du Docteur Jamain rose. This particular rose captured the true beauty of St Valentines day with its vigorous and refined petals and its knack to be very floriferous when in bloom. What a prodigious flower and the pantie of course would also need that deep and heavy scent of port wine that the gifted floret exhumes. Albertus purchased several packs of panties and planted them inside barrels of port wine. This was key to getting the scent in the satin but it also had a very serendipitous result. To be intoxicated by panty port made for a very randy inebriation and he partook in a solo tasting party very frequently. This no doubt stalled the production and half-assed the rest of the object. Instead of taking the time to cast an actual stem in the finest porcelain. He settled on using a pipe cleaner wrapped tight with green electrical tape with a unsightly construction paper leaf hung hastily near the top by the well thought out, fragile undergarment. This grim gallimaufry of exquisite beauty and jerry riggin hit the market. It was a huge flop.
The heart break was unbearable. He drank straight from the tap of the pantie porter barrels and a pantie planted it prettiness in his pie hole where he nearly choked to death. Drunk and distraught he shunned society for years.
He was lured out of his funk by his lover who, on St Valentines day presented him with a generic Chinese plastic pantie rose with rough unclassy thonged pantie petals. Outraged and with a vengeance, he went to work to ceramic coat the stem and make the beloved pantie rose what it was meant to be, an object of meaningful grace and beauty. Something a mother would pass to her daughter as an heirloom. A relic of erotica per say.
Not only did Albertus achieve this feat he also went on to make all kinds of undergarment plants for all kinds of butt sized women and plant lovers alike. Including the largest flower on earth, the Rafflesia arnoldii which was made from the finest and largest Lane Bryant full bottomed panties. To keep "god in the details", he had to stay true to the flower and soak the panties in tubs of yuck containing dookie and animal decay. This is because when in bloom, the Rafflesia emits a repulsive odor, similar to that of rotting meat and is often known as the "corpse flower".
The chubby public was outraged at the thought of plump women exhibiting themselves in fetid fashions. He was once again a failure and went swimming in tubs of yuck till he overdosed from Hep A.

The Moral: If by any chance you receive a pantie rose this Saint Valentines day. Please remember Albertus Sundrake's passionate story. There is more to an erotic novelty than just a horny Asian man trying to make a buck. Usually there is an aroused genius in the background who went through failure and pain because of his obsession with finery and details.