Titty Town

Plight Listeners,

Pale green bronze sculpture is the 18th nude art in this town. It has a soft painted light patina and depicts a female with muscle relaxer face. Not to be graphic but her breasts are danglers and the city council felt it was appropriate to display her hussiness in front of the courthouse. Im embarrassed of the nudity. It’s everywhere, from in front of the dentist office, to the rollercade, even inside the Wal-Mart in the automotive department. Tell you what, this town loves itself some nude art. Down at Lake Ray Roberts State Park there’s a butt flexing male body bent in a football hut- hut stance hiking pinecones. If that doesn’t gag your mouth a touchdown, then just ten miles down the interstate there is a chain sawed oak depicting a female who’s pregnant and nude standing in front of the bakery holding a cornucopia full of not food, oh no, but containing the very clothes she needs to be putting back on. Fertility is pretty but keep it private and clothed! Because of this birthing baker I have to go way out of my way to fulfill my sugar-tooth fix. Now, I have to drive 25 miles to the rest area where the Cinnebon's is to get me some mediocre if best cinnes.
Lordy, even to mail a package or do anything postal is a chore. Presently, I have to go to the neighboring town of Rosendale because this town has a bronzer party of 4 nude dudes doing cartwheels and flinging mail from their bags in front of the post office. I asked a local foot mailer employee what he thought the 4 tumbling nude men represented. He said "Oh I guess its fellow foot mailers flippin out and having a free day." A free day! Well I say, this Naked city has one too much titty, tush and pube for my taste. Its not safe having naked sin beaming into peoples retinas. Currently, I protect myself by wearing blinders that are outfitted with a biting stick for the nude pain bruising my pupils. Im a zombiefied Helen Keller walking around trying not to turn into salt. Im so uncomfortable being around so many people being comfortable. Henceforth my concerned citizen, I am going out and painting this town red and dressing it in Calico. Please join me at 4; I will be in the khaki LeSabre outside the fabric store across the street from the nasty pregnant bakers. Wear your blinders and your painting clothes.

Yours Truly,
Miss Dita Von Teese