Pitiful Pearl

Pearl,

I ran out of the house with the raid spraying your old Sunday wig. It was late and I didnt realize it was your nice hair until I was underneath the porch light. You must be frozen in a surprise face right now, but listen. I awoke from my nightly nap and went for a pee. Eyes were being fist rubbed and penis was tinkling and there it was in front of me. I swear to god it was some devil creature from mother Africa. I germ hand grabbed it and TT drip sprinted out the screen door. There I drenched that do bad with flying insect spray and lit it up. Its no longer suitable for Sundays, and I wouldnt wear it any other day of the week either. But hey, Brenda is going to help me and do her best to collect some barbershop hair and glue it to my cafeteria hair net i use at the school. It may not look as pretty as your brunette painted cabbage leaf with hay hair wig but it should work for now.
Sorry I killed your do. If it makes you feel any better im gonna pop a sugar pill and get paralydic until your fury blows over. Im sorry, but I truly need a narcotic in my tonic. Im still fighting your hair in my head.

Brother Gil