Mom Thong

Dear Swimsuit Illustrated

I saw my mom wearing a thong. She was in the kitchen filling out the grocery list and there it was. Her shirt was hiked up cuz daddy was rubbing her slipped disc back, I guess. She slipped those discs at Sam’s Club lifting cases of Chef Boyardee’s with her back. I know, she needs to lift with her knees but those are shot as well from a varicose vein implosion. I have to say the thong image was an excellent example of what you guys refer to as a whale tail, but it was protruding from her khaki denim mom jeans! No crack was showing which kept my lunch in my stomach thank god.
She called me away from my cartoons to ask what I wanted from the store. I yawn stretched and slumped my way over and turned the corner from the TV room to the kitchen. Then bam, saw the whale tail and gag mouth blurted out a chunky peanut butter request and ran back to toons. The thong has lost all the allure it once had. I loved the thought of it creeping up female crack, but not now it’s lost its magic.
I love your magazine, especially since I cannot buy real porn yet. Like I said the thong is over now. It belongs with Moms. So please Swimsuit Illustrated, please start fading it away. I would like to see models with boy shorts, flat bottom briefs, or hotties with nice low-slung bikini bottoms. Sometimes more is better. Lets hope this fashion craze ends soon and we can yet again return to thong. Im underoo wearing sitting on my feet in my bed thumbing an old issue with a sharpie in hand. Must draw more fabric on model hinny. Can’t wait till next issue. I hope butts got more coverage.

Yours Truly,
Dibrell