Gourd Decor 3: Accesory Pilgrims

Dear plight listeners, it is our favorite time of year again, Fall. During this time we can take items such as ugly warty squash dug from the dirt, place them upon our dinning room tables, and for some reason it is considered acceptable and sane adornment. And we Babblers are thrilled to do just that! Let us take gourds and decor them around our abodes my friends. And remember the gourd family consists of marrows, squashes, melons, cucumbers, and the forgotten, yet most functional of all gourds, the loofah.

Which brings me to this months decoration tip. Yes my quandary quaffers, we again focus on the ugly stepchild of gourds, the loofah. As you remember the loofah is indeed a gourd and not a fucking spounge. Well decor-aholics, we need to preach this knowledge when we get cavorty at this seasons holiday soirees. Im proposing using the loofah as an accesory. Here is an excellent picture of a loofah lapel broche with a gushing of babys breath protruding from its many gourd holes. It is beautiful and really rams in the fact that its scrub straw can not hold water like a sponge, but that it is a true ornament of fall, an adornment of natures bounty.


Another fine example is hanging a loofah on a dandy vino fing you fling of the side of the wine cup (see example at top). A lovely piece of dainty dangle jewelry. Normally I am appalled of the white string attached to store bought loofahs as this causes people to hang them in showers as a bath sponge. But here it works well on the wine fing. Especially wearing it while doing a holiday toast. Whatever is said during the toast will not matter as it will play second hat to the poetic Thanksgiving image swaying side to side. And that image will remind us of the Thanksgiving story of the Four Pilgrims of the Fore-skinned Father's of the Indian apocalypse, riding high on cornucopias of freedom filled with squashes and white men viruses. The story goes that patrons of the gourd were documented cussing at a man washing his butt n body with what he thought was a yule tide sponge, but it was in fact a gorgeous grown gourd. What a dick. He must of been out of his gourd to wash his backside with such an American relic. The saddled American deity's corrected the nude nimrod by knuckling his nogging with eggs. Thus the holiday custom of drinking "egg nog with rum" to signify this bums "de-gourding" by eggs while he bathed in "rum" colored dirty water. Remember your past you squash washing Americanos!!! Please lets not repeat history and please stop washing yourself with what is basically the American Flag!!!

Happy Thanker,
Hollis