Animals seldom notice me when I visit the Zoo. But today being Cinco de Mayo was an exception. After I had five coronas, Cocky faced me did a lollipop sucker pucker with a whoo-whoo holler and a bent elbow hand scratch on head and belly, the classic monkey dance in front of the Gorilla cage. This was not acceptable to the under evolved thing. Hairy black padded hand slaps went back n forth removing pucker face real quick while his foot hand held my poncho tight against the bars of his cage. My Sombrero was confiscated by the other foot hand in a primate karate/dance move that lasted 5 seconds. Red faced me understood his anger real quick. He like most Mexicans hates the white man for fake celebrating Mexican Independence. We white man need to stick to Mayo n white bread for Cinco De and leave the Mexicans to nacho feast for independence. He saw that I understood now and his powerful feet let me go. I gently laid my poncho and bag of limes in his cage. He offered me some musky smelling hay as a kind gesture. I partook and I noticed he had the softest hand pads, like a powder pounder from a prince matchebelli makeup compact.
While reading his palms it all came together, Im so Ignorant, I had no idea Mexicans were related to Gorillas! The Gorillas were a result of the Spaniards mating with the Aztecs. These sick Spaniards loved incest and kept Gorillas to themselves. Thats why the famous 5 Mayan apostles got jealous, these Spaniards were hogging all the soft touches from the Gorilla hand pads!!! The 5 drunk Mayan Popes prepared for battle and adorned funny hats (sombreros) and drunk cut holes in their sacred blankets(ponchos). They cavorted in their new uniforms and went ape shit fighting the Spaniards to free the Gorilla Mexicans. They lost miserably. The poor survivors depressed with the hornies for the hairy hand pad nad rubs, drank and ate frijoles until they passed out (siestas) ,died, and went extinct. This here is the true story of Cinco De. Viva la revolution! Viva los hand paddios hombres!
I sure understand your frustration caged Gorilla. Your people have been jailed for centuries all for your pillowed paws. Cinco De will never be the same for me my soft handed friend. Touch me, yes, touch me. Yes, and a little more south of the border please if you know what I mean. Im part Spaniard.
Happy Cinco De Padded Handio Mi Plighto Listenardios!
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